Tinder: everyone knows it as a place to meet people for hook-ups. I, however, decided to think the best about it. & bot did a lesson come out of that one.
Initially, I loved the app. It gave me a high, knowing that several cute guys that I “liked” had also liked me back. It was flattering, and it made me feel good about myself. Someone special. Someone worth something.
After that initial high subsided, I began to think “are guys just ‘liking’ me because of my blonde hair?” And that’s when I began to learn a hard lesson.
One guy that had surfaced the virtual stack of boys seemed very intriguing. His name is C. (abbreviated for special effect). What made C stand out wasn’t his location, profile picture, or even his education. C has a daughter. His bio read “looking for a forever woman for me and my daughter”. I was moved. How brave was this 20-year-old boy to announce that he was a single father on Tinder. Something touched my heart, and after a bit of an internal fight, I decided to swipe right.
“It’ a Match!” the Tinder screen screamed at me. My stomach dropped and I waited two hours to see whether C would message me. During this time, I thought...
I have been so afraid that my dream of having this picture-perfect future is not going to work out. And I had told myself that maybe I had this fear because something like C would happen. A man with a baby would end up being my true-love, and the 'perfect dream' of my future would suddenly feel insignificant and silly.
So, I decided to message him first.
Everything seemed to check out- he was a Christian and married his daughters mother because it was the right thing to do. His family is from here, he lives here, and has almost graduated school to become a firefighter. Despite the baby- who is a living angel- C really began to check out in every way. I began to think about and plan all the dates we’d go on, even our first potential kiss.
But then, the second night we spent trying to get to know each other, things took a dramatic turn.
C asked me what I thought was most important in a relationship, and I answered with trust, sacrifice, and the ability to give. He responded by saying that although those things were important, the most important thing to him was a good sexual relationship. C believes (and he has a complete right to believe what he wants) that without a great sexual connection, the relationship can’t be good.
I felt trapped. This boy- who has a great house, job, family, life, and child- was being open about how important sex was to him. I hesitated in my answer, but I told him my beliefs. I said that abstinence was something that my parents had drilled into me and that it felt like the most important thing to keep to myself and my future husband. He asked if I had any sexual past. And I didn’t lie. “I have never had sex, no.” I responded, clearly.
I expected C to say that he was okay with what I believed, and that I was worth the wait.
But that is not at all what happened.
"Well keep it [my purity] don't ever let anyone take that away from you
definitely wait for that one man to come along
and sweep you off your feet,
honestly I don't think I'm that guy”
After crying briefly, and praying asking God why this went wrong, I saw what lesson came out of this: I stood firm in my beliefs. Even while tempted with a “perfect guy” and even being judged for my beliefs, I stood the test. And I made it out of this situation with a heart that is still in one piece.
I might have lost in a man's decision between sex and me, but that is not a bad thing. I am proud of holding up my beliefs, and the reward was immediate. My heart made it unscathed, and, if you think about it, my body un-tempted. I am so proud of myself and the strength that I didn’t know I had, or was even using.
Needless to say, I deleted the app. I’m going to go back to God’s way of finding the man of my dreams.
(Or at least trying to figure out what God’s way is….)
(Or at least trying to figure out what God’s way is….)
❤️sSm
